Forgive my detour to a personal matter here, but this question has been on my mind a lot lately and I want to share some of the experiences I've had with it. I hope my kids will read this someday and that it will mean something to them when they need it.
Since moving to Arizona, my entire world has been turned upside down. I've been in denial about that for a while, but talking about it and coming out about it a little more has helped me cope with it and I've learned a lot of really surprising things about myself. I've always considered myself a strong person, with faults yes, but generally accepting, generally adaptable, generally able to cope with a lot of things. I sincerely saw coming out here as an exciting adventure and I was determined to make it so whether I actually felt that way about it or not once moving here. I felt like things would surely get easier in Arizona. Once being here, however, I quickly started realizing that I don't know squat about myself.
Firstly, I realized that yes, things have certainly slowed down since moving out here, but that did not automatically make things easier as I was so sure they would become. I've looked at work and keeping busy as getting in the way of my "real" life, whatever the heck that is, and it took moving out here to realize that sometimes work and busy-ness IS real life, and without it we lose a bit of our grounding. I did, and it has taken until now to admit that it really knocked the wind out of me.
Secondly, I did not realize that my supposed assumption of my "strength" may have had more pride associated with it than I was willing to acknowledge. I was very comfortable with life in Colorado, and I somehow associated that with my earning stability through trials or hardships (supposed, as they be). I was sure we would come out here and just jump in and save a bunch of souls and help so many people and if I looked closely enough in that image, I saw the concourses thanking me and praising me and I'm ashamed to realize that I think I actually thought that was going to happen, and not only that, I was expecting it, subconsciously, and that was actually sustaining me a little. Thank goodness those legs have been knocked clear off of me now, because clearly that has not been the case for our family since moving here. Maybe someday we will help some people here, and we will make a difference, but heaven help me if I do it because I want to be remembered. More likely it will happen by a fluke when I'm focused on the things that SHOULD really make me happy...
Here's what I have come to accept about my "new" self in Arizona (or uncovered what's always really been there but never opened myself up to...). I depended on a lot of things that I no longer have here. There's no Target within reasonable driving distance when I "need" something only Target can offer on a day I'm feeling down and go peruse their clean, red and white isles of pleasure. There's no Panera Bread when I want to sneak a bread-bowl of soup on a cold day. There are no giant trees in my backyard to sit under and watch the yellow leaves drift off of in the chilly fall air (can ya tell I'm missing fall here??). A lot of the things that I took for granted in CO were really monetary, superficial, and did not help me a lick in our transition to AZ. At all. And it really got me asking the question: well what makes me really happy?
If I knew myself as well as I thought I did, there should have been no reason for me to be unhappy here, and yet here I was day after day, not changing into real clothes, not leaving the house, but not cleaning it either (I may point out that actually quite a bit of this may have to do with the fact that I am pregnant and the tumult of hormones and nausea didn't help anything a whole lot...), suddenly realizing Craig would be home soon each evening and I had nothing to show for the day. I tried to find comfort in prayer, church, and scriptures, but even that was getting more and more difficult to sustain any more than a fleeting moment here and there (although I think those moments kept me swinging one day to the next and hanging on anyway). Here I KNEW that I had had so many wonderful experiences in the church that brought me times of great joy and peace and comfort and happiness, but I just wasn't getting it here. Maybe God's radio signal didn't reach us out in Kingman. And yet I refused to believe in the back of my head that coming out here wasn't what we were supposed to do, I still felt like there was a reason for us to be here and refused to think that we made the wrong choice. Still refusing. And I'm starting to think it's working.
Tonight I went to check on my girls in their room. The last few months have been really rough on all of us, not just me or Craig, the kids too. For some strange reason we have been sick almost every weekend for the last 6-8 weeks I'm sure (not exaggerating THAT much, it's been around that many weeks!). Someone pukes. Someone gets a weird rash. Someone has a fever from 102-104 again. Someone has snot pouring out of their nose and a hacking cough. Most of these have been combined through various members of our family, and most of it experienced by me as well through each wave since I am the hub of central command station here. Today Craig woke up very early in the morning and I heard him wretching in the bathroom, and he's been frequenting it the rest of the day and tonight as well. Then right as we were headed out the door to church I made the call to stay home because Chloe was crying over an ear ache in both ears and had a temp of 102.5 again. She got worse throughout the day, and I'm glad I stayed home so Craig could rest as well. But it really sucked because I missed church again, and this time I didn't even have time to call someone to sub for me, I just had to text a friend to take care of it for me, bless her, and I felt awful about it. Anyway, it's just happened a lo recently and it really weighed on me today. I shouldn't worry about this, but here I was so sure I was going to jump in and rescue all of Kingman in one fell swoop at our mere presence here, and in actuality I spent most Sundays worrying that people were going to think we were inactive (because truth be told, that's what I would think if I saw a new family move in and be there as inconsistently as we've been...which has been yet another lesson in not judging a book by its cover) As I went into the girls room, I peeked into Chloe's bunk bed and listened to her snoring peacefully away. I sat down on Odell's bedside and watched her little porcelain face in the dim hallway light as she breathed and slept. Without realizing it, I reached out my hand and held hers and tears started pouring out of my eyes. Would my kids ever grow up and know that I would sit and watch them sleep and be overflowing with love for them? Would they ever feel what I felt for them so clearly? Would they know that I loved and accepted them no matter what and would ALWAYS feel that way for them? As they slept on in their own worlds, it seemed too distant to think about, but then a thought read across my mind in that moment.
How I feel for them is how God feels for me, only so much more.
When my kids grow up and move away, even to other states, will I still love them? Of course! When they feel sad and lonely, will I still love them? Of course! When they don't clean their houses and stay in their pajamas all day and get absolutely nothing accomplished, will I still love them? OF COURSE! So why would I for a moment feel so distant from my Heavenly Father? I needed that reminder and that feeling in that moment, and I realized:
THAT is what makes me happy.
To have unconditional love from my Heavenly Father, whether I am under my giant cottonwoods in the backyard or in the litter box of Arizona (and for the record, I actually don't think Kingman is a litter box so much anymore, and have found myself wondering why the heck this down doesn't move forward and why more people don't live here, it's actually quite pleasant at times!). I don't need Colorado to be happy. It's nice to live there and be close to family, but that can't be my core, it won't last. It didn't last, obviously, and now I know why we are here.
I needed a new foundation. And thank goodness I have someone who loves me unconditionally to help me build it. I am not where I want to be yet, but I have hope and faith again, and I'm just going to wait until it comes, because I know it will.
PS- due April 9th, 2014!!
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Up and Up
Thank you for all of you who have asked after dear little Chloe, she is doing much better. Not every day is perfect, for instance, yesterday Chloe came home and her cheeks had dried dirty tear streaks down the sides ever so noticeable probably only to her mother, but not because she was sad. She shakily told me that during P.E. that day she had run into another boy when she wasn't looking and hit her front teeth really hard. She bared her front ones at me and her left one was dark and bloody at the root and was jutting down a quarter inch lower than it was when she left the house that morning. It's a baby tooth, and was already starting to get a little loose, but we are going to the dentist today just to make sure she didn't do any further damage. Most days, however, she leaves the house with no tears and a big hug and a kiss and comes home a starving jabbermouth and generally seems to be enjoying school more than she was.
Last week we were able to go visit Craig's sister and brother in law and girlies in Buckeye, who graciously watched our kids for us on Friday evening so Craig and I could go to the Mesa temple for a much needed visit. Firstly we haven't been for ages, and secondly, we were able to take my grandfather's name finally through to finish his temple work (almost). AMAZING. I wish I would have taken a picture of Craig and I by the temple, it is gorgeous, and the sunset when we walked out made it just stunning. It was a really refreshing experience that both Craig and I were glad to be a part of. We spent the weekend hanging out with the kiddos, catching up, and watching movies. :-) Glad we have some family nearby to hang out with.
Linus is getting smarter I'm pretty sure exponentially by the minute. I was nervous about going to his parent/teacher conference a couple of weeks ago, just because I was so worried about him succeeding behaviorally. I neglected to really focus on the benefits of how he'd do academically. Let me preface this by saying that when I did at home pre-school with Chloe, I was pretty diligent with her helping her learn all her letters and sounds, capitals and lower case, some sight words as much as we thought she could, and she still had to relearn a lot of it when she started Kindergarten. Linus I was less diligent, mostly because I was so busy last year, between photography, seminary, daycare, soccer, blah blah, I just didn't sit down with him one on one as often as I should have. We went over a few more things before school started, but in the short time since then he's mastered about 60% of what he needs to know before he goes to 1st grade and he's well on his way to learning the rest. I asked his teacher how he's been doing with his frustration control in class and she laughed and said he's had a couple of outbursts. She then explained a couple of occasions when someone didn't understand the instructions and apparently he's exasperatedly exclaimed such things like, "She JUST told us that!" and usually is on top of his group making sure they are doing what they are supposed to be. What a kook. Although we are working on him helping people with kindness instead of frustration.
Odell is getting bored I think judging on the amount of things she's been getting into that she knows she's not supposed to. She talks. All. The. Time. Mostly it's comforting to me to have conversations with her and answer all her nonsense questions and giggle with her when she finds something funny so it's not so quiet around here. She LOVES watching Tinkerbell when I let her. She gets out all her princess castles and then grabs Linus' batman doll and jumps from castle top to castle top with him. She loves any kind of sandwich with peanut butter on it. Thankfully she still loves to cuddle with me in the mornings, and sometimes I need that more than I think I do.
Keeping up with life. As much as we can. :-)
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
The Leibster Award
Hey! I got nominated for an award! :-) Actually I thought this was really fun, and thanks to my old pal Kristen for nominating me. Kristen and I knew each other in college. Once we went on a camping trip with our church and it snowed and we were so desperate for warmth we snuck out of our tent into a van and talked and laughed all night. It was a good time. :-)
The rules for the Liebster award are as follows:
1) Thank the Liebster Blog presenter who nominated you and link back to their blog.
2) Post 11 facts about yourself, answering the 11 questions you were asked and create 11 questions for your nominees.
3) Nominate 11 blogs who you feel deserve to be noticed and leave a comment on their blog letting them know they have been chosen.
4) Display the Liebster Award logo.
5) No tag backs meaning you can’t just re nominate the person who nominated you.
And now I'm going to answer some fun questions Kristen came up with. :-)
1.) What is something quirky about you?
Um, well I have double jointed fingers, which means I can bend the top joints of my fingers without any help. This is also while my viola playing career was short lived- sometimes my fingers got stuck that way while playing and that wasn't so fun.
2.) Where is your favorite place to shop?
2.) Where is your favorite place to shop?
TARGET. I know, not very creative, but I'd say my number two spot would be thrift stores.
3.) Where would your ideal place to live be?
3.) Where would your ideal place to live be?
Kauai. I'm pretty sure that's where heaven is going to be when the world ends...
4.) What is a pet peeve of yours?
4.) What is a pet peeve of yours?
When I suddenly realize early in the day that I'm wearing an outfit that is either too uncomfortable or doesn't look as good as I thought it would when I put it on and it's too late to do anything about it.
5.) What's the first thing you want to do during the kids nap time or just when you have time to yourself?
Eat, ha ha. There is something to be said about enjoying a meal when it is quiet, I always save my lunches for when I can eat them in peace.
6.) What junk food makes you the happiest?
This is awful, but I'm gonna be honest and say a Diet Dr. Pepper. I don't buy them that often, but when I do, they are typically consumed, in peace, in the time period of the a fore mentioned question.
7.) If you could choose any career (besides motherhood) what would it be?
Ha ha, that's a hard one...I enjoy a lot of things I could put into a professional career, the question would be which one would bring me the most instant success. :-) Writer, photographer, artist, blogger, go back to teaching, any of those would be great. Thankfully motherhood typically incorporates a lot of these, just without the pay. :-)
8.) Who inspires you?
5.) What's the first thing you want to do during the kids nap time or just when you have time to yourself?
Eat, ha ha. There is something to be said about enjoying a meal when it is quiet, I always save my lunches for when I can eat them in peace.
6.) What junk food makes you the happiest?
This is awful, but I'm gonna be honest and say a Diet Dr. Pepper. I don't buy them that often, but when I do, they are typically consumed, in peace, in the time period of the a fore mentioned question.
7.) If you could choose any career (besides motherhood) what would it be?
Ha ha, that's a hard one...I enjoy a lot of things I could put into a professional career, the question would be which one would bring me the most instant success. :-) Writer, photographer, artist, blogger, go back to teaching, any of those would be great. Thankfully motherhood typically incorporates a lot of these, just without the pay. :-)
8.) Who inspires you?
Stephanie Nielson, Ree Drummond, my Uncle Tim, and President Monson. And a lot of other people, but these are the ones I can think of off the top of my head...
9.) What's your favorite movie?
All time favorite? Ooof...I'm not sure it's possible to pick one: any Jane Austen movie, Penelope, Jane Eyre, Tim Burton films (don't judge), Superhero movies, Oh Brother Where Art Thou, Pixar movies, and...honestly....I sort of like....the Tinkerbell movies...cough cough...
10.) What are you best at?
Taking pictures of kids. :-)
11.) Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
Done having kids, being a personal chauffeur to my teenagers, working on my incredibly successful photography business in our ginormous house...on Kauai, of course, and being completely content with life. Something like that.
11.) Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
Done having kids, being a personal chauffeur to my teenagers, working on my incredibly successful photography business in our ginormous house...on Kauai, of course, and being completely content with life. Something like that.
Alright, here are my questions for my tageroos:
1) Who is your biggest celebrity crush?
2) What is one thing you SWEAR your kids will NEVER do?
3) Name one thing on your Pinterest list or bucket list or otherwise list that you haven't done yet that you really want to?
4) What is one thing you did as a kid that you never fessed up to your parents about?
5) What movie scared the poop out of you when you were a kid/teenager?
6) Where do you find your biggest inspiration/daily motivation?
7) Who was your first kiss?
8) Really embarrassing moment while doing your job?
9) How do you record your family/ personal memories?
10) Best vacation you've ever had?
11) Favorite books?
And here are my tags! Thanks for playing along (don't worry if you don't have 11, just do as many as you can) :-)
Sunday, September 1, 2013
With a heavy heart
Dear Chloe,
This is one of my most favorite pictures of you. You look so happy and serene and at one with yourself. It makes me sad right now because I know right now that's not how you feel. I wish with all of my heart that I could take that away from you, that I could just sit you on my lap and hold your head to my chest and squeeze you until you felt my love warm you down to your bones and you'd never suffer again because of that love. I wish I could make everything magical and comfortable and wonderfully brilliant and colorful for you all the time. I wish I could put an iron case around your heart so no one could ever hurt you and that beautifully sensitive and careful spirit would never be damaged ever again. But I also know that I can't do this for you and it kills me.
Tonight you came up to me, wringing your shirt in your fingers and tears were welling up in your eyes. You said, "Mom, can I talk to you for a second?" and I said yes, and you said, "Can I tell you something? There is something that's been bothering me at school, and that's why I don't want to go." I took your wringing hands into mine and looked you in the eyes and said, "Tell me what's up."
As the tears spilled over your cheeks, it was all I could do to keep myself from doing the same. I felt your hurt in the very center of my heart, because I knew exactly how it felt. I saw myself in you so clearly it stung like a knife. Everything I promised myself you would never feel you were feeling right then, at least to a certain extent. You were lost. You felt alone. You felt hurt by others' actions. You missed home. You missed me at school. You missed Daddy at school. You missed Grandma, whose absence in your almost daily life I can only imagine would be so hard for a little girl who has such a great friendship with her. You missed your friends back home. You miss your teacher and your school. In our hurry to move to the next phase of our lives, I assumed the transition would not affect you as much as it has and I am sorry for that. I remember well how it feels to bottle things up and let them eat at you because you don't want anyone to know that you hurt. I should have been aware of that today as I saw you melt down over so many things, I should have taken care at my words when I told you not to be so sensitive. I was dead wrong. I'm so sorry. But I am glad you let it out, and you allowed yourself to hurt to me. You can ALWAYS cry to me, my arms will always be open to hold you forever.
As you sat in my arms and cried so bitterly, I also saw something so beautiful in you. For probably the first time in your life, and certainly not the last, you were starting to be polished a little bit. As much as I want to protect you from all pain so I will never see that bright and wonderful smile ever be tarnished again, I could never rob you of those experiences. It is that polishing that is going to make you shine so bright, so much brighter than you do now. I hate that it is starting already, I know I'm not ready for it either, but I also know that given everything, I would not take away the polishing I've had in my life either. It is what helped me turn to God, and if that's what this is preparing you for, it will be oh so worth it. This life is hard, and it gets so much harder, but we are not alone, and neither are you. You are never ever alone.
You have such a beautiful and wise spirit. I know you ache for home. I do too. We will do our best to make home wherever we are together, and as we strive to do this together, even when we are apart or away, we will be blessed with that spirit of togetherness. Our hearts will always be knit together as one when we knit them with our Heavenly Home as well.
I love you so much. You will be okay, and thank you for being my daughter. I wouldn't trade you for anything.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Catchup
Oh August has flown by!
First of all, here are my kids on the first day of school!
Except school started like three weeks ago. They are at a school all the way across town next to Craig's work called Manzanita Elementary. It's HUGE. I guess I was just used to the schools I taught at and that Chloe went to school at, but here there are about 5 classes per grade level, and it's just giant! Plus they won't let you walk your kids to their class after the first few days, they just have to figure out on their own where to go, that made me super nervous, but lo and behold, they figured it out and now don't have an issue with it. Linus is learning so much and I love to hear him tell me the things he absorbs at school, which is everything. I think all kids eventually break through a barrier when they go from sounding words out and stopping their way through a story to actually reading, and Chloe magically broke through the barrier. Well, it's just the first few weeks, but she's impressed me with her reading scores so far, hopefully it sticks! Odell tells me she misses Chloe and Linus all day, and frequently asks when we can go get them, but I think she also very much enjoys being my center of attention for the majority of the day. I don't mind it so much. :-)
We also found a friend on our back wall a couple of weeks ago. The kids affectionately named him Jack.
By affectionate, I mean progressively so. When Craig brought him inside the house in the jar, he had it behind his back. Chloe innocently meandered over and asked him what he had, and when this monstrosity was revealed, she shrieked and screamed and scrambled like a madwoman onto her bed and forcefully insisted that Craig take it OUT of the house from her room. We both went in and explained that tarantulas are relatively harmless, not to mention this one was in a jar and could not hurt her. Minutes later she broke herself away from her bed and blanky and was tapping the glass to get a closer look at him. Craig wanted to keep him, but when he managed to crawl to the top of the jar, when we previously thought he couldn't, precariously close to the LARGE holes Craig had stabbed through a paper towel at the top of the mouth, I said, NOPE, Jack's got a family to go home to, let's make that happen!. Craig let him go on the way to church the next morning. He was so large we could see him still sitting on the rock he was emptied onto on the way home hours later. I'm sure he was just waving goodbye.
And Odell turned 3!!
This weekend we are getting together with some family and barbequeing it up for Labor day weekend! So excited to have a break. See you in another month probably. :-)
First of all, here are my kids on the first day of school!
 | ||
| My crazies |
We also found a friend on our back wall a couple of weeks ago. The kids affectionately named him Jack.
By affectionate, I mean progressively so. When Craig brought him inside the house in the jar, he had it behind his back. Chloe innocently meandered over and asked him what he had, and when this monstrosity was revealed, she shrieked and screamed and scrambled like a madwoman onto her bed and forcefully insisted that Craig take it OUT of the house from her room. We both went in and explained that tarantulas are relatively harmless, not to mention this one was in a jar and could not hurt her. Minutes later she broke herself away from her bed and blanky and was tapping the glass to get a closer look at him. Craig wanted to keep him, but when he managed to crawl to the top of the jar, when we previously thought he couldn't, precariously close to the LARGE holes Craig had stabbed through a paper towel at the top of the mouth, I said, NOPE, Jack's got a family to go home to, let's make that happen!. Craig let him go on the way to church the next morning. He was so large we could see him still sitting on the rock he was emptied onto on the way home hours later. I'm sure he was just waving goodbye.
And Odell turned 3!!
 |
| She loves her new Merida toys |
 |
| And her towel finally from Grandma!! |
 |
| I attempted to use cookie cutters to make small cakes. Didn't turn out how I planned, but she LOVED the princess theme. |
Friday, July 19, 2013
We're here!
Ohhhh gracious me!
We're alive!
A friend back in Windsor told me that she read a study once that said that moving is akin in stress levels to death and divorce. I believe it. It's not so much that I was fretting and worrying so much as just the endless work involved. But thanks to my WONDERFUL parents and in-laws and all their help in various ways, not to mention the help of everyone who watched kids, brought cupcakes, cleaned our house, or came over for a visit and ended up packing up endless boxes, we made it all here in once piece. And here is our house!
The kids have taken everything amazingly well. Not perfect, but much better than I thought it would be. There is not as much outside space as there was in Colorado, they don't have neighborhood friends as of yet, and it's much hotter outside here than there, so the first week I had a hard time keeping them occupied. All of a sudden, however, they seemed to have remembered that they are indeed actually friends with each other and have sort of forgotten that I exist and go off in their own spaces making messes, saving the world, fighting bad guys, playing games, coloring for hours, and being kids. It's been wonderful. I'm so glad they had friends in Colorado, but honestly I worried a lot about them being all over the two open yards in Windsor- I worried that they would be somewhere and get picked up by someone and I wouldn't even know, I worried about Linus getting along with the neighbor kids who he'd have problems with frequently (as they were girls and generally had a hard time including him in things when playing with Chloe), I only let Odell outside when I was able to watch her out there myself, I worried when they came in the house and certain of the kids in our neighborhood had told them things they were insisting to me on a daily basis were fact and I worried what other habbits rubbed off on them. There was only one little girl of them that I really was encouraging a friendship with- the other kids were nice enough, but they came from hard homes and I always let them play in our yard, but did not let my kids go over to theirs. They didn't understand that. Anyway- Odell is playing happily in our enclosed yard by herself and I can see her perfectly through my window as I type. Chloe and Linus are rolling on the floor laughing playing a card game together in the next room. I feel reeled in and comfortable. I feel happy.
In the meantime we are making friends in our ward at church. Last weekend Craig got pulled out of Sunday School, offered and accepted a calling, and was sustained in Elders Quorum before I even knew he had a calling (Elder's Quorum Secretary). I am occupied continuing to upack a few boxes here and there, working on my photography, pinning a bunch of projects on pinterest I will hopefully get to around the house, making meals, cleaning, reading books with the kids, cleaning some more, and so on.
In the meantime, making a trip to see some family very near and dear to my heart next week and getting ready to celebrate a certain almost 3 year olds' birthday in a couple of weeks. Stay tuned...
We're alive!
A friend back in Windsor told me that she read a study once that said that moving is akin in stress levels to death and divorce. I believe it. It's not so much that I was fretting and worrying so much as just the endless work involved. But thanks to my WONDERFUL parents and in-laws and all their help in various ways, not to mention the help of everyone who watched kids, brought cupcakes, cleaned our house, or came over for a visit and ended up packing up endless boxes, we made it all here in once piece. And here is our house!
 |
| Backyard |
.jpg) |
| Guest bathroom (awaiting a towel rack presently...) |
 |
| Backyard again- we are right on the edge of town and the mountains and desert and mountains are a block away from us, sunsets are gorgeous at night...) |
 |
| Garage is a room with a partition- we'll probably change it eventually but for now it's staying how it is) |
 |
| Back living room |
 |
| Master Bath (shower around the corner) |
 |
| Girls' room |
 |
| Linus' room- with a blanket tacked to the wall until I can make curtains as he's an early riser... |
 |
| Front living room (yay we got the piano here!!) |
 |
| Laundry |
 |
| Dining area |
 |
| Kitchen |
 |
| Girls' nook |
 | ||
| Master Bedroom |
In the meantime we are making friends in our ward at church. Last weekend Craig got pulled out of Sunday School, offered and accepted a calling, and was sustained in Elders Quorum before I even knew he had a calling (Elder's Quorum Secretary). I am occupied continuing to upack a few boxes here and there, working on my photography, pinning a bunch of projects on pinterest I will hopefully get to around the house, making meals, cleaning, reading books with the kids, cleaning some more, and so on.
In the meantime, making a trip to see some family very near and dear to my heart next week and getting ready to celebrate a certain almost 3 year olds' birthday in a couple of weeks. Stay tuned...
Sunday, June 23, 2013
I've eaten entirely too much ice cream...
SO:
Quick recap since mother's day.
Craig applied for a job. Craig got interviewed for a job. Craig got offered the job. Craig accepted the job. Chelsea picked out a house.
We're moving to Kingman, AZ in less than two weeks!
In the meantime, I have a couple of thoughts on my mind. First and foremost, being without a husband for an extended period of time really sucks. Four weeks total, it's not even over yet, and I'm bonkers. You might think it would be because I'm taking care of the kids, the house, the food, everything on my own, PLUS packing an entire house before he gets back. That would be the logical reason to go bonkers, but no. The reason that this really sucks is because I miss Craig. It didn't occur to me how much our relationship doesn't depend on the daily routine until he was gone. It doesn't function because we have kids or because we have work or because we have jobs or because we have to work together to maintain a sane household- it depends on us seeing each other physically every day. It depends on pillow talk. It depends on hugs when you feel exhausted. It depends on laughing with someone else when the kids are all crying at the same time. It depends on hand holding and watching movies together and reading scriptures together and sharing our goals and thoughts and advice and opinions and expressions of love. And it really sucks being apart. REALLY SUCKS. Just to reiterate that again.
But, I am excited. We have a house under contract that we love. Craig is getting us a nice fridge. We're deciding on a new couch. I have grand plans to repaint and update about all of our furniture. We're struggling...and by "we", I mean "I", I am struggling to decide what to do with our piano. My mom gave it to me, it has a lot of sentimental value. It's gorgeous. I play it all the time. And it will cost a lot more money than we are willing to pay to move it. But I'm scared to death to risk moving it by ourselves. So we'll figure that out. I met some people in Kingman, I went to church there, I feel good about it, and even though it's difficult to be away, I know Craig does too.
Guess that's all that matters, and I will trust the feelings that I've had about being there. It will be good for us.
Quick recap since mother's day.
Craig applied for a job. Craig got interviewed for a job. Craig got offered the job. Craig accepted the job. Chelsea picked out a house.
We're moving to Kingman, AZ in less than two weeks!
In the meantime, I have a couple of thoughts on my mind. First and foremost, being without a husband for an extended period of time really sucks. Four weeks total, it's not even over yet, and I'm bonkers. You might think it would be because I'm taking care of the kids, the house, the food, everything on my own, PLUS packing an entire house before he gets back. That would be the logical reason to go bonkers, but no. The reason that this really sucks is because I miss Craig. It didn't occur to me how much our relationship doesn't depend on the daily routine until he was gone. It doesn't function because we have kids or because we have work or because we have jobs or because we have to work together to maintain a sane household- it depends on us seeing each other physically every day. It depends on pillow talk. It depends on hugs when you feel exhausted. It depends on laughing with someone else when the kids are all crying at the same time. It depends on hand holding and watching movies together and reading scriptures together and sharing our goals and thoughts and advice and opinions and expressions of love. And it really sucks being apart. REALLY SUCKS. Just to reiterate that again.
But, I am excited. We have a house under contract that we love. Craig is getting us a nice fridge. We're deciding on a new couch. I have grand plans to repaint and update about all of our furniture. We're struggling...and by "we", I mean "I", I am struggling to decide what to do with our piano. My mom gave it to me, it has a lot of sentimental value. It's gorgeous. I play it all the time. And it will cost a lot more money than we are willing to pay to move it. But I'm scared to death to risk moving it by ourselves. So we'll figure that out. I met some people in Kingman, I went to church there, I feel good about it, and even though it's difficult to be away, I know Craig does too.
Guess that's all that matters, and I will trust the feelings that I've had about being there. It will be good for us.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Pre-Mother's Day thoughts
I don't have any pictures because I haven't taken any yet. I keep meaning to, and then I don't think about it, I'll have to take some today!
Craig and I are in Kingman, Arizona this weekend. Craig is being interviewed for a job position with the Kingman Rec Department. More on that later, his interview is in about an hour...
For now I wanted to write a few things I was feeling yesterday while we were at church. Craig and I flew into Vegas late Saturday night after a long day of soccer games and packing. We spent the night in Henderson nearby because it was cheaper (had to laugh at the number of people in the airport and on the plane conversing with us excitedly about what our Vegas plans were and our "boring" responses- for this Mormon couple, there really isn't a whole lot about the city life there that would appeal to us, the lights were pretty amazing, though!), and in the morning decided to pick a ward to go to (from the FOUR STAKES worth of wards available to chose from just in Henderson...) for church. I was excited to go through a church sacrament service just me and my hubby and enjoy the meeting quietly with him.
However I quickly realized that quiet was just about the last thing I actually wanted once we got there, and it completely took me off guard. My heart ached through the whole thing and I couldn't help but be entirely focused on the other moms in the chapel with their small ones through the whole meeting. Each week at church at home I feel so frazzled at the end of the hour when we've "battled" through the talks and there are crayons spewed across several rows of pews, ripped pages from hymn books from babies, and crushed goldfish in the carpets while people in rows around us congratulate each other on who won the bet for which of our kids got taken out of sacrament meeting the most. Or at least that's what it feels like some weeks. :-) But yesterday my arms felt weird and heavy, and I felt awkward knowing where to put them and what to do with them. My lap felt empty and useless. I managed to stay completely modest the whole hour because there were no little ones stepping and pulling on my shirt and skirt in weird angles. I got to wear a necklace and there was no slobber on it or broken strings and beads all over the floor. And I realized something with a start. I actually missed the chaos. And I realized that these last few years I've been telling myself that no one actually misses it when it's over, they just forget the bad parts and remember the good ones, I was fooling myself. I actually do need to "cherish those moments". The teenage years are going to come all too quickly, and while I look forward to the friendships I (hope) will develop with my kids at that age, I will miss the friendship I have with them now.
I will miss it when Chloe is so upset because of something Linus or Odell got that she didn't and all she wants to do is pout and curl up on my lap for comfort. I will miss the small success I feel when I've been able to divert a volcanic explosion from Linus with a hug or an offer to draw him yet another picture of him riding a dragon that he can color. I will miss Odell laughing manically when I try to get her to sit down instead of stand up on my lap and yell to everyone around us across the chapel. I will miss when I am up singing with the choir and the three of them are sitting on Daddy's lap waving frantically to me and the large smiles they have on their faces when I wave discreetly back. And I will miss giving them hugs and sending them off to primary and nursery to learn about all the things that will make them good and honest and happy people the rest of their lives.
It's a special privilege to be a mother of small children. While I shed many tears of worry over them now, I also know that those tears probably won't go away for a long time, and there have and will be many more moments where those tears will be tears of joy and happiness. And as a mother and a parent, those tears are sacred and special and I am so glad I have the opportunity to have them.
I love you, Chloe, Linus, and Odell, with all of my heart. And I promise to cherish a little more and wish away a little less from here on out.
Craig and I are in Kingman, Arizona this weekend. Craig is being interviewed for a job position with the Kingman Rec Department. More on that later, his interview is in about an hour...
For now I wanted to write a few things I was feeling yesterday while we were at church. Craig and I flew into Vegas late Saturday night after a long day of soccer games and packing. We spent the night in Henderson nearby because it was cheaper (had to laugh at the number of people in the airport and on the plane conversing with us excitedly about what our Vegas plans were and our "boring" responses- for this Mormon couple, there really isn't a whole lot about the city life there that would appeal to us, the lights were pretty amazing, though!), and in the morning decided to pick a ward to go to (from the FOUR STAKES worth of wards available to chose from just in Henderson...) for church. I was excited to go through a church sacrament service just me and my hubby and enjoy the meeting quietly with him.
However I quickly realized that quiet was just about the last thing I actually wanted once we got there, and it completely took me off guard. My heart ached through the whole thing and I couldn't help but be entirely focused on the other moms in the chapel with their small ones through the whole meeting. Each week at church at home I feel so frazzled at the end of the hour when we've "battled" through the talks and there are crayons spewed across several rows of pews, ripped pages from hymn books from babies, and crushed goldfish in the carpets while people in rows around us congratulate each other on who won the bet for which of our kids got taken out of sacrament meeting the most. Or at least that's what it feels like some weeks. :-) But yesterday my arms felt weird and heavy, and I felt awkward knowing where to put them and what to do with them. My lap felt empty and useless. I managed to stay completely modest the whole hour because there were no little ones stepping and pulling on my shirt and skirt in weird angles. I got to wear a necklace and there was no slobber on it or broken strings and beads all over the floor. And I realized something with a start. I actually missed the chaos. And I realized that these last few years I've been telling myself that no one actually misses it when it's over, they just forget the bad parts and remember the good ones, I was fooling myself. I actually do need to "cherish those moments". The teenage years are going to come all too quickly, and while I look forward to the friendships I (hope) will develop with my kids at that age, I will miss the friendship I have with them now.
I will miss it when Chloe is so upset because of something Linus or Odell got that she didn't and all she wants to do is pout and curl up on my lap for comfort. I will miss the small success I feel when I've been able to divert a volcanic explosion from Linus with a hug or an offer to draw him yet another picture of him riding a dragon that he can color. I will miss Odell laughing manically when I try to get her to sit down instead of stand up on my lap and yell to everyone around us across the chapel. I will miss when I am up singing with the choir and the three of them are sitting on Daddy's lap waving frantically to me and the large smiles they have on their faces when I wave discreetly back. And I will miss giving them hugs and sending them off to primary and nursery to learn about all the things that will make them good and honest and happy people the rest of their lives.
It's a special privilege to be a mother of small children. While I shed many tears of worry over them now, I also know that those tears probably won't go away for a long time, and there have and will be many more moments where those tears will be tears of joy and happiness. And as a mother and a parent, those tears are sacred and special and I am so glad I have the opportunity to have them.
I love you, Chloe, Linus, and Odell, with all of my heart. And I promise to cherish a little more and wish away a little less from here on out.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Snow Globes (Linus Part II)
Good news!
Everything I'm reading in this book about Linus I've found I've already intuitively been incorporating into Linus' routines every day here and there, and now all I need to do is solidify my plan to do it all the time and stick to it to see if it works. The other good news is that I'm fairly sure the progress he has made is because of the things I've already been doing. I'm excited and happy and love my little boy all the more for it.
The best way to describe him is like this: most kids are looking through the world through different lenses and things get more clear and in focus as they get older- they understand things, they no longer need that lens and move on to something new. Linus is not looking through a lens, but a snow globe. He looks through it all day and when he's able to decipher what it is he wants while looking through it, he understands things and he cooperates and he's not a problem. Occasionally, though, he can't figure it out and so he moves the snow globe around (representing getting frustrated) thinking it will help, and a snow globe is all he's got so it's all he knows how to see through. Well suddenly the little flecks of snow in the water get jostled and it's harder to see. So he shakes it more and it erupts into a giant flurry and suddenly whatever he was looking at through the glass is completely smothered and he keeps shaking it and shaking it because he wants to see what everyone else is seeing on the other side. Eventually he stops and things calm down and he realizes that he shouldn't have shaken it and that it's a lot easier to see without all the snow (frustration and inflexibility) floating around. Then something new happens and everyone else picks up their lens to decipher it and he picks up his snow globe again. And the process repeats itself. So now MY job is to help him hold the snow globe so he can see what he wants on the other side for him. I hold it, he looks through it, we work together. Someday, he will put the snow globe down and pick something else up, but for right now, he needs to be walked through it.
Right now, what both Craig and I need to full acknowledge and accept is that what works for most kids will not work for him. Being firm and giving consequences when Chloe does something we don't want her to do works for her, she stops the undesirable behavior and she is able to cope with it. For right now, really evaluating what things he needs to change and what things are too picky is essential. For example:
Chloe: Mom, can I sit in your chair this morning for breakfast?
Me: Not today, Chloe, it's easier for me if you sit over there for right now so you can finish breakfast quickly and we can get to school on time, okay?
Chloe: But MOM!! I really don't want to sit in my seat today, I want to sit in YOURS!
Me: Chloe, if you can't listen to Mommy, I will have to send you up to your room and then you'll have even less time to eat, is that what you want?
Chloe: No
Me: Then please do as Mommy asks and sit in your own chair.
Chloe: Okay
:::
Linus: Mom, can I sit in your chair this morning for breakfast?
Me: (evaluating the inconvenience of a slower breakfast eating against the possibility of a giant fit- I then ask myself which will take more time, a slow breakfast or calming down a volcanic eruption of a fit: slow breakfast wins) I think so, Linus, but I have a concern.
Linus: What?
Me: We need to get out the door quickly and I'm worried that if you sit in Mommy's chair, you will be distracted by your sister and the things on the counter behind you. How do you think we can solve this problem?
Linus:....I don't know.
Me: I have some ideas, can I share them with you?
Linus: Yep
Me: How about you can sit in Mommy's chair and I will set a timer. If you're not done with breakfast by the time the timer goes off, you move back to your chair so you can finish.
Linus: Okay
Fit avoided. In order for him to learn flexibility, I have to model it. The more I work through things with him and take the time and effort to do it, the more he'll realize that a snow globe is probably not the easiest way to see the world and he'll let go of it. Eventually. It's a life changing sort of thing.
But I'm accepting it right now. If it backfires on me and doesn't work, we'll try something else. But point being I think he'll be okay in the end. And if I have to learn a bunch more patience for that to happen, I suppose that will be okay. :-)
Everything I'm reading in this book about Linus I've found I've already intuitively been incorporating into Linus' routines every day here and there, and now all I need to do is solidify my plan to do it all the time and stick to it to see if it works. The other good news is that I'm fairly sure the progress he has made is because of the things I've already been doing. I'm excited and happy and love my little boy all the more for it.
The best way to describe him is like this: most kids are looking through the world through different lenses and things get more clear and in focus as they get older- they understand things, they no longer need that lens and move on to something new. Linus is not looking through a lens, but a snow globe. He looks through it all day and when he's able to decipher what it is he wants while looking through it, he understands things and he cooperates and he's not a problem. Occasionally, though, he can't figure it out and so he moves the snow globe around (representing getting frustrated) thinking it will help, and a snow globe is all he's got so it's all he knows how to see through. Well suddenly the little flecks of snow in the water get jostled and it's harder to see. So he shakes it more and it erupts into a giant flurry and suddenly whatever he was looking at through the glass is completely smothered and he keeps shaking it and shaking it because he wants to see what everyone else is seeing on the other side. Eventually he stops and things calm down and he realizes that he shouldn't have shaken it and that it's a lot easier to see without all the snow (frustration and inflexibility) floating around. Then something new happens and everyone else picks up their lens to decipher it and he picks up his snow globe again. And the process repeats itself. So now MY job is to help him hold the snow globe so he can see what he wants on the other side for him. I hold it, he looks through it, we work together. Someday, he will put the snow globe down and pick something else up, but for right now, he needs to be walked through it.
Right now, what both Craig and I need to full acknowledge and accept is that what works for most kids will not work for him. Being firm and giving consequences when Chloe does something we don't want her to do works for her, she stops the undesirable behavior and she is able to cope with it. For right now, really evaluating what things he needs to change and what things are too picky is essential. For example:
Chloe: Mom, can I sit in your chair this morning for breakfast?
Me: Not today, Chloe, it's easier for me if you sit over there for right now so you can finish breakfast quickly and we can get to school on time, okay?
Chloe: But MOM!! I really don't want to sit in my seat today, I want to sit in YOURS!
Me: Chloe, if you can't listen to Mommy, I will have to send you up to your room and then you'll have even less time to eat, is that what you want?
Chloe: No
Me: Then please do as Mommy asks and sit in your own chair.
Chloe: Okay
:::
Linus: Mom, can I sit in your chair this morning for breakfast?
Me: (evaluating the inconvenience of a slower breakfast eating against the possibility of a giant fit- I then ask myself which will take more time, a slow breakfast or calming down a volcanic eruption of a fit: slow breakfast wins) I think so, Linus, but I have a concern.
Linus: What?
Me: We need to get out the door quickly and I'm worried that if you sit in Mommy's chair, you will be distracted by your sister and the things on the counter behind you. How do you think we can solve this problem?
Linus:....I don't know.
Me: I have some ideas, can I share them with you?
Linus: Yep
Me: How about you can sit in Mommy's chair and I will set a timer. If you're not done with breakfast by the time the timer goes off, you move back to your chair so you can finish.
Linus: Okay
Fit avoided. In order for him to learn flexibility, I have to model it. The more I work through things with him and take the time and effort to do it, the more he'll realize that a snow globe is probably not the easiest way to see the world and he'll let go of it. Eventually. It's a life changing sort of thing.
But I'm accepting it right now. If it backfires on me and doesn't work, we'll try something else. But point being I think he'll be okay in the end. And if I have to learn a bunch more patience for that to happen, I suppose that will be okay. :-)
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Blowing the top
Linus has a problem. I think I can officially say that it's not just his age, it's not just when he's tired, it's not just when he's hungry, it's not because he ate red food die today, it's not because he had too much sugar, he has something that I'm fairly certain he has absolutely no control over. Yes, he is maturing a little bit as time goes by, but in my opinion, not enough.
Am I exasperated? Of course I am. We have an insanely busy schedule, and while I don't necessarily feel like I can't handle his fits anymore, I do wish that I could spend more time helping him and that I had a little more cushion room when he has a problem and I can't give him the time that he would otherwise need to overcome his issues without throwing an explosive tantrum.
I was referred to a book, recently, called "The Explosive Child" by Ross W. Greene. I was going to check it out from the library, but kept not finding the time to get over there, so I finally felt prompted to go ahead and buy it on my Kindle. Within minutes of reading it, I was in tears because it describes Linus to a T. I have never gotten him looked at, mostly because I don't feel like he fit any of the typical diagnoses for his symptoms. He had all the negative parts of everything without anything else and I was afraid that a therapist would look at him and use those symptoms to diagnose him something as a best guess. This book describes kids who have a "learning gap" with anger, frustration, and flexibility, much like a child might have a learning gap in reading or math. Some of the kids he describes are much older and much worse than Linus, but the same basic principles he's dealing with apply. Inability to change quickly, inability to stop a tantrum once it starts (like it ALWAYS goes 0 to a 100 in two seconds flat with no brakes every time), taking out his feelings by hitting, screaming, and destroying anything in sight, including some of his favorite toys sometimes he's so mad, then a short time later completely calm again and remorseful, like he just didn't know why it came over him. I've been really strict with a sticker chart for good behavior and a list of clear consequences for specific bad behaviors we've been doing the last couple of weeks. While the sticker charts have helped motivate him to do things like cleaning his room or picking up toys more frequently (but honestly, he's always been better than doing things like that than Chloe), it hasn't changed the things I want it to change one bit. I go through anywhere from 3-10 giant tantrums in a day, and there's no real rhyme or reason to how to get them to stop. However, there are some "triggers" that pretty consistently set him off, so now I am on a mission to research and record what sets him off more than others, keep track of it, and then study what paths I can take to help him overcome it. I basically have to teach him the skill of flexibility and frustration control: something that most kids learn without instruction, but just as you would intervene and help a child with their gaps at school, I must do this for Linus and his emotions. He's already motivated to do good, he wants to be a good boy, I have no doubt about that, he physically cannot control it sometimes, so I get to help him learn how to do that.
At least that's what I'm going to try to do and see how that helps. We may or may not have a lot of changes coming up if Craig gets a new job somewhere, and I want to get a better handle on him and at the very least, find something that will start helping him. Move in the right direction.
And although it's been hard, I wouldn't trade him for the world. I am mostly opposed to medicating him because I would not want to sacrifice his interesting and wonderful personality for his less desirable qualities. He is a smart and determined kid and I know he really is going to move mountains someday. Thankfully I'm blessed with that knowledge because I'm a mom. :-)
Friday, April 5, 2013
Monumental
I'm here to celebrate something on the blog very exciting.
A breaking point in dear Chloe's 6 year old life. And I am SO proud of her. Not in a "wow, she got a check plus on her coloring sheet" kind of proud, like life is going to change for our family someday kind of proud.
But first, a little history.
Chloe has, for a long long long long long time, been petrified of dogs. Screaming, scrambling up the closest adult as fast as she can, crying hysterically kind of scared. Everything about them freaked her out, even little ones. She would decline going to friends' houses if they had dogs, even if she really wanted to play with them. She would wait on the sidewalk on Halloween at each house so she wouldn't encounter any dogs. It was so sad. No matter how often I sat her down, hugged her, told her as directly and lovingly as I could that I would never, EVER let her near a dog that would hurt her and that many dogs were nice, or that licking was their way of saying hello, or that barking meant they were warning their owners and not that they were going to bite, she wouldn't budge on the matter. Once we were at a graduation party at a friend's house and there was a dog and she scrambled up me, screaming and hollering as loud as she could and sat there for the WHOLE TWO HOURS we were there. Her friends were running around the backyard having fun and she sat there crying and shaking the whole time we were there until we finally had to go. I felt so bad for her and never really understood why, it was just a thing with her.
Well a couple of weekends ago she was invited to a friend's house who had 3 dogs. I knew this ahead of time. She had been looking forward to this for a while, and so before she was picked up to go to her friend's house, I asked her if she knew they had dogs. She said that she did. I asked her if she was okay with that. She flinched a little, then said she was going to try to be brave. I reassured her that the dogs were super nice and that she could be brave, and she agreed. Amazingly, only the big dog they had to put away while she was there, the two little chihuahuas she got accustomed to. And even pet a little (!!!!). I hardly believed it, even little dogs I knew she had a big problem with, but from what I understood, she was okay with the little ones while she was there. WHOOOOO!!! Celebrate. I gave her a big hug and congratulated her, and she seemed proud of her accomplishment.
But that's not the end. The other day at soccer practice a dog on a leash ran up to her, and she held my hand questionably, but then the dog left and she didn't scream at all. (!!!!!) Then on the soccer field again, a woman with a small dog was standing near by, and Chloe actually came up to me and asked me if we could go over so she could pet the dog. (!!!!!!) She did, and even though the dog was a puppy and nipped at her a little, she didn't seem to mind. Both of those instances were also small dogs, but again, BIG steps forward.
Then today, a friend of ours from church brought his larger boxer dog with him to pick up his son from Chloe's class after school. Chloe has been to their house before and the dog had to be put away while she was there because she was too hysterical around him, even though he's super mellow and a great dog. We were getting ready to leave and Chloe saw the dog with her friend's dad, and she yanked on my hand a little and sweetly asked, "Mom, can we go pet the dog?"
Seriously?!?!?!?
"Ah, yes, Chloe, are you sure? Are you ready to pet a bigger dog?"
"Yes I am."
And we went over. And she pet the dog, even though he was wagging his tail and licking the faces of all the kids around him. And she loved it.
I was ecstatic.
Cause you know what this means?
We are now officially cleared to get a dog when we have our own place.
Yeah buddy.
This is what I want:
Aw....see, he's waiting to be part of our family, I know it!
Chloe approves.
A breaking point in dear Chloe's 6 year old life. And I am SO proud of her. Not in a "wow, she got a check plus on her coloring sheet" kind of proud, like life is going to change for our family someday kind of proud.
But first, a little history.
Chloe has, for a long long long long long time, been petrified of dogs. Screaming, scrambling up the closest adult as fast as she can, crying hysterically kind of scared. Everything about them freaked her out, even little ones. She would decline going to friends' houses if they had dogs, even if she really wanted to play with them. She would wait on the sidewalk on Halloween at each house so she wouldn't encounter any dogs. It was so sad. No matter how often I sat her down, hugged her, told her as directly and lovingly as I could that I would never, EVER let her near a dog that would hurt her and that many dogs were nice, or that licking was their way of saying hello, or that barking meant they were warning their owners and not that they were going to bite, she wouldn't budge on the matter. Once we were at a graduation party at a friend's house and there was a dog and she scrambled up me, screaming and hollering as loud as she could and sat there for the WHOLE TWO HOURS we were there. Her friends were running around the backyard having fun and she sat there crying and shaking the whole time we were there until we finally had to go. I felt so bad for her and never really understood why, it was just a thing with her.
Well a couple of weekends ago she was invited to a friend's house who had 3 dogs. I knew this ahead of time. She had been looking forward to this for a while, and so before she was picked up to go to her friend's house, I asked her if she knew they had dogs. She said that she did. I asked her if she was okay with that. She flinched a little, then said she was going to try to be brave. I reassured her that the dogs were super nice and that she could be brave, and she agreed. Amazingly, only the big dog they had to put away while she was there, the two little chihuahuas she got accustomed to. And even pet a little (!!!!). I hardly believed it, even little dogs I knew she had a big problem with, but from what I understood, she was okay with the little ones while she was there. WHOOOOO!!! Celebrate. I gave her a big hug and congratulated her, and she seemed proud of her accomplishment.
But that's not the end. The other day at soccer practice a dog on a leash ran up to her, and she held my hand questionably, but then the dog left and she didn't scream at all. (!!!!!) Then on the soccer field again, a woman with a small dog was standing near by, and Chloe actually came up to me and asked me if we could go over so she could pet the dog. (!!!!!!) She did, and even though the dog was a puppy and nipped at her a little, she didn't seem to mind. Both of those instances were also small dogs, but again, BIG steps forward.
Then today, a friend of ours from church brought his larger boxer dog with him to pick up his son from Chloe's class after school. Chloe has been to their house before and the dog had to be put away while she was there because she was too hysterical around him, even though he's super mellow and a great dog. We were getting ready to leave and Chloe saw the dog with her friend's dad, and she yanked on my hand a little and sweetly asked, "Mom, can we go pet the dog?"
Seriously?!?!?!?
"Ah, yes, Chloe, are you sure? Are you ready to pet a bigger dog?"
"Yes I am."
And we went over. And she pet the dog, even though he was wagging his tail and licking the faces of all the kids around him. And she loved it.
I was ecstatic.
Cause you know what this means?
We are now officially cleared to get a dog when we have our own place.
Yeah buddy.
This is what I want:
Aw....see, he's waiting to be part of our family, I know it!
Chloe approves.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
If you're not a parent, try it out sometime...
It's been difficult.
But so so SO worth it.
Isn't it amazing when you look back at your life before you were a parent to where you are now? I have a reoccurring dream, as I'm sure many do, where I'm still in high school and haven't graduated yet. My friends are all there. And in every dream I'm getting ready for choir auditions and I always make it into the choir room and remember all the familiar smells and chairs and music and teachers before I wake up.
For the next couple of minutes, especially after a particularly realistic dream, lying there in bed, my thoughts go something like this:
Hey wait a second...didn't I already graduate?
Oh yeah I did. Oh good, I'm so glad I'm done with high school, I'm free! Wait...I went to college too, I GRADUATED from college. And there's some reason nagging at me why I didn't think flirting with my crush in the choir room was a good idea...oh yeah, I'm married. WAIT I'M MARRIED. AND I HAVE KIDS. Three of them?!?!
Yes, three of them. I love them. I love my husband. I love my house and my life.
And just a second ago I was wigging out because I was late to class and couldn't remember my locker combination...
It sort of crashes on me real quick, and then I thank my lucky stars that I'm not in high school anymore. I'm a wife and a mother and I love it.
I've made some big changes with myself as a mother. Most of them internal. I hope they stick, because tonight I was watching Linus frolic around Grandma's house happily and not screaming, and I was watching my two girls dancing in their new Easter dresses, and squished close to Craig on the couch while talking with family, and I was happy. Might seem perfect, and it is, but it sure as heck didn't come without a price. And I'm not even close to being done paying for it, but it's beautiful and it's mine.
But so so SO worth it.
Isn't it amazing when you look back at your life before you were a parent to where you are now? I have a reoccurring dream, as I'm sure many do, where I'm still in high school and haven't graduated yet. My friends are all there. And in every dream I'm getting ready for choir auditions and I always make it into the choir room and remember all the familiar smells and chairs and music and teachers before I wake up.
For the next couple of minutes, especially after a particularly realistic dream, lying there in bed, my thoughts go something like this:
Hey wait a second...didn't I already graduate?
Oh yeah I did. Oh good, I'm so glad I'm done with high school, I'm free! Wait...I went to college too, I GRADUATED from college. And there's some reason nagging at me why I didn't think flirting with my crush in the choir room was a good idea...oh yeah, I'm married. WAIT I'M MARRIED. AND I HAVE KIDS. Three of them?!?!
Yes, three of them. I love them. I love my husband. I love my house and my life.
And just a second ago I was wigging out because I was late to class and couldn't remember my locker combination...
It sort of crashes on me real quick, and then I thank my lucky stars that I'm not in high school anymore. I'm a wife and a mother and I love it.
I've made some big changes with myself as a mother. Most of them internal. I hope they stick, because tonight I was watching Linus frolic around Grandma's house happily and not screaming, and I was watching my two girls dancing in their new Easter dresses, and squished close to Craig on the couch while talking with family, and I was happy. Might seem perfect, and it is, but it sure as heck didn't come without a price. And I'm not even close to being done paying for it, but it's beautiful and it's mine.
I love these guys SO much. I wouldn't give them up for ANYTHING, and that, in turn, makes me want to change to be a better person.
Happy Easter everyone!!
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Valentine's Day
Chloe BEGGED me to come to her class Valentine's Day party. My heart ached a little bit, as I remember parties at school and how thrilled I was anytime my parents would show up for anything. As fate would have it that day, Craig was able to come home early and I happily skipped out the door and surprised Chloe at school. Next year I've made a commitment to be less busy so that I can free myself to go to things like this!
I have to put in a plug here. If you haven't been over to Don't Panic Mom, please go and check it out! My nearest and dearest friend Alli has put this together: she is SUCH an inspiration and has totally hit the nail on the head with so many things we are changing in our family. I wouldn't say that I was awful at getting healthy food on the table every day, but I definitely needed to make improvements. Alli has always helped inspire me to do this, and her blog is amazing! Recipes, encouragement, easy-peasy ways to help your kids enjoy nutrition to its fullest. In fact I've even "guest" posted a few times! You can read about how we got rid of boxed mac and cheese at our house HERE or learn about how I went from hating running to loving running HERE.
Sooo...Valentine's Day was coming and I knew that Chloe would get tons of sugary sweet things on this day. It is tradition. Am I against eating sugar? Certainly not. However, I do think a lot about the health of my children- not just now, but for their whole lives. Diabetes runs in my family, as well as obesity and depression and a whole load of things that can be solved, or at least improved, by one simple thing: good eating. I will never be the mom that goes into a classroom and shames the rest of the class moms into puddles of nothing because they brought candy or sugar or anything. EVER. But I thought, this is Chloe's first Valentine's class party and I wanted her to get excited about something healthy. I thought about just doing valentines without anything on them, but after talking to Chloe about it, she agreed that the two of us would go on a shopping date together and find something healthy we could make into a valentine. I had a few ideas from pinterest in mind, but as luck would have it, Chloe picked the perfect, pre-packaged snack for any valentine. :-)
Anxiously, during the party, I watched the kids emptying out their bags and listened for their responses upon countering the cutie. This is what I heard:
"ORANGES?! Look, I got an orange!"
"Chloe, thanks for the orange!"
"What does this say? Cutie- PATOOOOOTIE?!? Guys, this says PATOOOOOOTIE!!!"
"Pa-TOOOOTie?!?! Ba ha ha, Chloe, your Valentine says PATOOOTIE!!"
More laughing went around the room about the word "patootie", and I watched timidly as Chloe heard all these responses, hoping it wouldn't get her hopes down. When I looked at her, though, she was giggling hysterically with the rest, exclaiming, "YEAH! My mom made those!".
Success. Guess all you have to do is put a potty word on the Valentine and they could care less if there is a lolipop on there or not.
I know Valentine's Day is over, but if you want to save this for next year, here is the layout I put together for the valentines. :-)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)