Linus has a problem. I think I can officially say that it's not just his age, it's not just when he's tired, it's not just when he's hungry, it's not because he ate red food die today, it's not because he had too much sugar, he has something that I'm fairly certain he has absolutely no control over. Yes, he is maturing a little bit as time goes by, but in my opinion, not enough.
Am I exasperated? Of course I am. We have an insanely busy schedule, and while I don't necessarily feel like I can't handle his fits anymore, I do wish that I could spend more time helping him and that I had a little more cushion room when he has a problem and I can't give him the time that he would otherwise need to overcome his issues without throwing an explosive tantrum.
I was referred to a book, recently, called "The Explosive Child" by Ross W. Greene. I was going to check it out from the library, but kept not finding the time to get over there, so I finally felt prompted to go ahead and buy it on my Kindle. Within minutes of reading it, I was in tears because it describes Linus to a T. I have never gotten him looked at, mostly because I don't feel like he fit any of the typical diagnoses for his symptoms. He had all the negative parts of everything without anything else and I was afraid that a therapist would look at him and use those symptoms to diagnose him something as a best guess. This book describes kids who have a "learning gap" with anger, frustration, and flexibility, much like a child might have a learning gap in reading or math. Some of the kids he describes are much older and much worse than Linus, but the same basic principles he's dealing with apply. Inability to change quickly, inability to stop a tantrum once it starts (like it ALWAYS goes 0 to a 100 in two seconds flat with no brakes every time), taking out his feelings by hitting, screaming, and destroying anything in sight, including some of his favorite toys sometimes he's so mad, then a short time later completely calm again and remorseful, like he just didn't know why it came over him. I've been really strict with a sticker chart for good behavior and a list of clear consequences for specific bad behaviors we've been doing the last couple of weeks. While the sticker charts have helped motivate him to do things like cleaning his room or picking up toys more frequently (but honestly, he's always been better than doing things like that than Chloe), it hasn't changed the things I want it to change one bit. I go through anywhere from 3-10 giant tantrums in a day, and there's no real rhyme or reason to how to get them to stop. However, there are some "triggers" that pretty consistently set him off, so now I am on a mission to research and record what sets him off more than others, keep track of it, and then study what paths I can take to help him overcome it. I basically have to teach him the skill of flexibility and frustration control: something that most kids learn without instruction, but just as you would intervene and help a child with their gaps at school, I must do this for Linus and his emotions. He's already motivated to do good, he wants to be a good boy, I have no doubt about that, he physically cannot control it sometimes, so I get to help him learn how to do that.
At least that's what I'm going to try to do and see how that helps. We may or may not have a lot of changes coming up if Craig gets a new job somewhere, and I want to get a better handle on him and at the very least, find something that will start helping him. Move in the right direction.
And although it's been hard, I wouldn't trade him for the world. I am mostly opposed to medicating him because I would not want to sacrifice his interesting and wonderful personality for his less desirable qualities. He is a smart and determined kid and I know he really is going to move mountains someday. Thankfully I'm blessed with that knowledge because I'm a mom. :-)
This book has done a lot for our family as well, in helping know where to start and how to handle the situations that arise. Have you seen the paper work on Dr. Greene's website? livesinthebalance.org on the left hand column under Resources it has "The paperwork". There are some good documents there that help you keep track of behaviors and get down to the real problems.
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