Pre-Mother's Day thoughts

I don't have any pictures because I haven't taken any yet. I keep meaning to, and then I don't think about it, I'll have to take some today!
Craig and I are in Kingman, Arizona this weekend. Craig is being interviewed for a job position with the Kingman Rec Department. More on that later, his interview is in about an hour...
For now I wanted to write a few things I was feeling yesterday while we were at church. Craig and I flew into Vegas late Saturday night after a long day of soccer games and packing. We spent the night in Henderson nearby because it was cheaper (had to laugh at the number of people in the airport and on the plane conversing with us excitedly about what our Vegas plans were and our "boring" responses- for this Mormon couple, there really isn't a whole lot about the city life there that would appeal to us, the lights were pretty amazing, though!), and in the morning decided to pick a ward to go to (from the FOUR STAKES worth of wards available to chose from just in Henderson...) for church. I was excited to go through a church sacrament service just me and my hubby and enjoy the meeting quietly with him.
However I quickly realized that quiet was just about the last thing I actually wanted once we got there, and it completely took me off guard. My heart ached through the whole thing and I couldn't help but be entirely focused on the other moms in the chapel with their small ones through the whole meeting. Each week at church at home I feel so frazzled at the end of the hour when we've "battled" through the talks and there are crayons spewed across several rows of pews, ripped pages from hymn books from babies, and crushed goldfish in the carpets while people in rows around us congratulate each other on who won the bet for which of our kids got taken out of sacrament meeting the most. Or at least that's what it feels like some weeks. :-) But yesterday my arms felt weird and heavy, and I felt awkward knowing where to put them and what to do with them. My lap felt empty and useless. I managed to stay completely modest the whole hour because there were no little ones stepping and pulling on my shirt and skirt in weird angles. I got to wear a necklace and there was no slobber on it or broken strings and beads all over the floor. And I realized something with a start. I actually missed the chaos. And I realized that these last few years I've been telling myself that no one actually misses it when it's over, they just forget the bad parts and remember the good ones, I was fooling myself. I actually do need to "cherish those moments". The teenage years are going to come all too quickly, and while I look forward to the friendships I (hope) will develop with my kids at that age, I will miss the friendship I have with them now.
I will miss it when Chloe is so upset because of something Linus or Odell got that she didn't and all she wants to do is pout and curl up on my lap for comfort. I will miss the small success I feel when I've been able to divert a volcanic explosion from Linus with a hug or an offer to draw him yet another picture of him riding a dragon that he can color. I will miss Odell laughing manically when I try to get her to sit down instead of stand up on my lap and yell to everyone around us across the chapel. I will miss when I am up singing with the choir and the three of them are sitting on Daddy's lap waving frantically to me and the large smiles they have on their faces when I wave discreetly back. And I will miss giving them hugs and sending them off to primary and nursery to learn about all the things that will make them good and honest and happy people the rest of their lives. 
It's a special privilege to be a mother of small children. While I shed many tears of worry over them now, I also know that those tears probably won't go away for a long time, and there have and will be many more moments where those tears will be tears of joy and happiness. And as a mother and a parent, those tears are sacred and special and I am so glad I have the opportunity to have them.
I love you, Chloe, Linus, and Odell, with all of my heart. And I promise to cherish a little more and wish away a little less from here on out.

Snow Globes (Linus Part II)

Good news!
Everything I'm reading in this book about Linus I've found I've already intuitively been incorporating into Linus' routines every day here and there, and now all I need to do is solidify my plan to do it all the time and stick to it to see if it works. The other good news is that I'm fairly sure the progress he has made is because of the things I've already been doing. I'm excited and happy and love my little boy all the more for it.
The best way to describe him is like this: most kids are looking through the world through different lenses and things get more clear and in focus as they get older- they understand things, they no longer need that lens and move on to something new. Linus is not looking through a lens, but a snow globe.  He looks through it all day and when he's able to decipher what it is he wants while looking through it, he understands things and he cooperates and he's not a problem. Occasionally, though, he can't figure it out and so he moves the snow globe around (representing getting frustrated) thinking it will help, and a snow globe is all he's got so it's all he knows how to see through. Well suddenly the little flecks of snow in the water get jostled and it's harder to see. So he shakes it more and it erupts into a giant flurry and suddenly whatever he was looking at through the glass is completely smothered and he keeps shaking it and shaking it because he wants to see what everyone else is seeing on the other side. Eventually he stops and things calm down and he realizes that he shouldn't have shaken it and that it's a lot easier to see without all the snow (frustration and inflexibility) floating around. Then something new happens and everyone else picks up their lens to decipher it and he picks up his snow globe again. And the process repeats itself. So now MY job is to help him hold the snow globe so he can see what he wants on the other side for him. I hold it, he looks through it, we work together. Someday, he will put the snow globe down and pick something else up, but for right now, he needs to be walked through it.
Right now, what both Craig and I need to full acknowledge and accept is that what works for most kids will not work for him. Being firm and giving consequences when Chloe does something we don't want her to do works for her, she stops the undesirable behavior and she is able to cope with it. For right now, really evaluating what things he needs to change and what things are too picky is essential. For example:
Chloe: Mom, can I sit in your chair this morning for breakfast?
Me: Not today, Chloe, it's easier for me if you sit over there for right now so you can finish breakfast quickly and we can get to school on time, okay?
Chloe: But MOM!! I really don't want to sit in my seat today, I want to sit in YOURS!
Me: Chloe, if you can't listen to Mommy, I will have to send you up to your room and then you'll have even less time to eat, is that what you want?
Chloe: No
Me: Then please do as Mommy asks and sit in your own chair.
Chloe: Okay

:::

Linus: Mom, can I sit in your chair this morning for breakfast?
Me: (evaluating the inconvenience of a slower breakfast eating against the possibility of a giant fit- I then ask myself which will take more time, a slow breakfast or calming down a volcanic eruption of a fit: slow breakfast wins) I think so, Linus, but I have a concern.
Linus: What?
Me: We need to get out the door quickly and I'm worried that if you sit in Mommy's chair, you will be distracted by your sister and the things on the counter behind you. How do you think we can solve this problem?
Linus:....I don't know.
Me: I have some ideas, can I share them with you?
Linus: Yep
Me: How about you can sit in Mommy's chair and I will set a timer. If you're not done with breakfast by the time the timer goes off, you move back to your chair so you can finish.
Linus: Okay

Fit avoided. In order for him to learn flexibility, I have to model it. The more I work through things with him and take the time and effort to do it, the more he'll realize that a snow globe is probably not the easiest way to see the world and he'll let go of it. Eventually. It's a life changing sort of thing.
But I'm accepting it right now. If it backfires on me and doesn't work, we'll try something else. But point being I think he'll be okay in the end. And if I have to learn a bunch more patience for that to happen, I suppose that will be okay. :-)

Blowing the top

I've started about ten different posts concerning Linus that I've never finished because they always end up sounding so negative, but today is the day I'm going to put this out there.
Linus has a problem. I think I can officially say that it's not just his age, it's not just when he's tired, it's not just when he's hungry, it's not because he ate red food die today, it's not because he had too much sugar, he has something that I'm fairly certain he has absolutely no control over. Yes, he is maturing a little bit as time goes by, but in my opinion, not enough.
Am I exasperated? Of course I am. We have an insanely busy schedule, and while I don't necessarily feel like I can't handle his fits anymore, I do wish that I could spend more time helping him and that I had a little more cushion room when he has a problem and I can't give him the time that he would otherwise need to overcome his issues without throwing an explosive tantrum.
I was referred to a book, recently, called "The Explosive Child" by Ross W. Greene. I was going to check it out from the library, but kept not finding the time to get over there, so I finally felt prompted to go ahead and buy it on my Kindle. Within minutes of reading it, I was in tears because it describes Linus to a T. I have never gotten him looked at, mostly because I don't feel like he fit  any of the typical diagnoses for his symptoms. He had all the negative parts of everything without anything else and I was afraid that a therapist would look at him and use those symptoms to diagnose him something as a best guess. This book describes kids who have a "learning gap" with anger, frustration, and flexibility, much like a child might have a learning gap in reading or math. Some of the kids he describes are much older and much worse than Linus, but the same basic principles he's dealing with apply. Inability to change quickly, inability to stop a tantrum once it starts (like it ALWAYS goes 0 to a 100 in two seconds flat with no brakes every time), taking out his feelings by hitting, screaming, and destroying anything in sight, including some of his favorite toys sometimes he's so mad, then a short time later completely calm again and remorseful, like he just didn't know why it came over him. I've been really strict with a sticker chart for good behavior and a list of clear consequences for specific bad behaviors we've been doing the last couple of weeks. While the sticker charts have helped motivate him to do things like cleaning his room or picking up toys more frequently (but honestly, he's always been better than doing things like that than Chloe), it hasn't changed the things I want it to change one bit. I go through anywhere from 3-10 giant tantrums in a day, and there's no real rhyme or reason to how to get them to stop. However, there are some "triggers" that pretty consistently set him off, so now I am on a mission to research and record what sets him off more than others, keep track of it, and then study what paths I can take to help him overcome it. I basically have to teach him the skill of flexibility and frustration control: something that most kids learn without instruction, but just as you would intervene and help a child with their gaps at school, I must do this for Linus and his emotions. He's already motivated to do good, he wants to be a good boy, I have no doubt about that, he physically cannot control it sometimes, so I get to help him learn how to do that.
At least that's what I'm going to try to do and see how that helps. We may or may not have a lot of changes coming up if Craig gets a new job somewhere, and I want to get a better handle on him and at the very least, find something that will start helping him. Move in the right direction.
And although it's been hard, I wouldn't trade him for the world. I am mostly opposed to medicating him because I would not want to sacrifice his interesting and wonderful personality for his less desirable qualities. He is a smart and determined kid and I know he really is going to move mountains someday. Thankfully I'm blessed with that knowledge because I'm a mom. :-)

Monumental

I'm here to celebrate something on the blog very exciting.
A breaking point in dear Chloe's 6 year old life. And I am SO proud of her. Not in a "wow, she got a check plus on her coloring sheet" kind of proud, like life is going to change for our family someday kind of proud.
But first, a little history.
Chloe has, for a long long long long long time, been petrified of dogs. Screaming, scrambling up the closest adult as fast as she can, crying hysterically kind of scared. Everything about them freaked her out, even little ones. She would decline going to friends' houses if they had dogs, even if she really wanted to play with them. She would wait on the sidewalk on Halloween at each house so she wouldn't encounter any dogs. It was so sad. No matter how often I sat her down, hugged her, told her as directly and lovingly as I could that I would never, EVER let her near a dog that would hurt her and that many dogs were nice, or that licking was their way of saying hello, or that barking meant they were warning their owners and not that they were going to bite, she wouldn't budge on the matter. Once we were at a graduation party at a friend's house and there was a dog and she scrambled up me, screaming and hollering as loud as she could and sat there for the WHOLE TWO HOURS we were there. Her friends were running around the backyard having fun and she sat there crying and shaking the whole time we were there until we finally had to go. I felt so bad for her and never really understood why, it was just a thing with her.
Well a couple of weekends ago she was invited to a friend's house who had 3 dogs. I knew this ahead of time. She had been looking forward to this for a while, and so before she was picked up to go to her friend's house, I asked her if she knew they had dogs. She said that she did. I asked her if she was okay with that. She flinched a little, then said she was going to try to be brave. I reassured her that the dogs were super nice and that she could be brave, and she agreed. Amazingly, only the big dog they had to put away while she was there, the two little chihuahuas she got accustomed to. And even pet a little (!!!!). I hardly believed it, even little dogs I knew she had a big problem with, but from what I understood, she was okay with the little ones while she was there. WHOOOOO!!! Celebrate. I gave her a big hug and congratulated her, and she seemed proud of her accomplishment.
But that's not the end. The other day at soccer practice a dog on a leash ran up to her, and she held my hand questionably, but then the dog left and she didn't scream at all. (!!!!!) Then on the soccer field again, a woman with a small dog was standing near by, and Chloe actually came up to me and asked me if we could go over so she could pet the dog. (!!!!!!) She did, and even though the dog was a puppy and nipped at her a little, she didn't seem to mind. Both of those instances were also small dogs, but again, BIG steps forward.
Then today, a friend of ours from church brought his larger boxer dog with him to pick up his son from Chloe's class after school. Chloe has been to their house before and the dog had to be put away while she was there because she was too hysterical around him, even though he's super mellow and a great dog. We were getting ready to leave and Chloe saw the dog with her friend's dad, and she yanked on my hand a little and sweetly asked, "Mom, can we go pet the dog?"
Seriously?!?!?!?
"Ah, yes, Chloe, are you sure? Are you ready to pet a bigger dog?"
"Yes I am."
And we went over. And she pet the dog, even though he was wagging his tail and licking the faces of all the kids around him. And she loved it.
I was ecstatic.
Cause you know what this means?
We are now officially cleared to get a dog when we have our own place.
Yeah buddy.
This is what I want:

Aw....see, he's waiting to be part of our family, I know it!
Chloe approves.

If you're not a parent, try it out sometime...

It's been difficult.
But so so SO worth it.
Isn't it amazing when you look back at your life before you were a parent to where you are now? I have a reoccurring dream, as I'm sure many do, where I'm still in high school and haven't graduated yet. My friends are all there. And in every dream I'm getting ready for choir auditions and I always make it into the choir room and remember all the familiar smells and chairs and music and teachers before I wake up.
For the next couple of minutes, especially after a particularly realistic dream, lying there in bed, my thoughts go something like this:
Hey wait a second...didn't I already graduate?
Oh yeah I did. Oh good, I'm so glad I'm done with high school, I'm free! Wait...I went to college too, I GRADUATED from college. And there's some reason nagging at me why I didn't think flirting with my crush in the choir room was a good idea...oh yeah, I'm married. WAIT I'M MARRIED. AND I HAVE KIDS. Three of them?!?! 
Yes, three of them. I love them. I love my husband. I love my house and my life. 
And just a second ago I was wigging out because I was late to class and couldn't remember my locker combination...
It sort of crashes on me real quick, and then I thank my lucky stars that I'm not in high school anymore. I'm a wife and a mother and I love it.
I've made some big changes with myself as a mother. Most of them internal. I hope they stick, because tonight I was watching Linus frolic around Grandma's house happily and not screaming, and I was watching my two girls dancing in their new Easter dresses, and squished close to Craig on the couch while talking with family, and I was happy. Might seem perfect, and it is, but it sure as heck didn't come without a price. And I'm not even close to being done paying for it, but it's beautiful and it's mine.

 

I love these guys SO much. I wouldn't give them up for ANYTHING, and that, in turn, makes me want to change to be a better person. 

Happy Easter everyone!!

Valentine's Day

I didn't take out Chloe's "heart" hair until this morning. She wanted it in every day, even at church, where it was a wild, wavy mess. I had to clip the rubber bands out with scissors because we both knew if I pulled them out, I might have to go to child services for torturing my six year old.

Chloe BEGGED me to come to her class Valentine's Day party. My heart ached a little bit, as I remember parties at school and how thrilled I was anytime my parents would show up for anything. As fate would have it that day, Craig was able to come home early and I happily skipped out the door and surprised Chloe at school. Next year I've made a commitment to be less busy so that I can free myself to go to things like this!
I have to put in a plug here. If you haven't been over to Don't Panic Mom, please go and check it out! My nearest and dearest friend Alli has put this together: she is SUCH an inspiration and has totally hit the nail on the head with so many things we are changing in our family. I wouldn't say that I was awful at getting healthy food on the table every day, but I definitely needed to make improvements. Alli has always helped inspire me to do this, and her blog is amazing! Recipes, encouragement, easy-peasy ways to help your kids enjoy nutrition to its fullest. In fact I've even "guest" posted a few times! You can read about how we got rid of boxed mac and cheese at our house HERE or learn about how I went from hating running to loving running HERE.
Sooo...Valentine's Day was coming and I knew that Chloe would get tons of sugary sweet things on this day. It is tradition. Am I against eating sugar? Certainly not. However, I do think a lot about the health of my children- not just now, but for their whole lives. Diabetes runs in my family, as well as obesity and depression and a whole load of things that can be solved, or at least improved, by one simple thing: good eating. I will never be the mom that goes into a classroom and shames the rest of the class moms into puddles of nothing because they brought candy or sugar or anything. EVER. But I thought, this is Chloe's first Valentine's class party and I wanted her to get excited about something healthy. I thought about just doing valentines without anything on them, but after talking to Chloe about it, she agreed that the two of us would go on a shopping date together and find something healthy we could make into a valentine. I had a few ideas from pinterest in mind, but as luck would have it, Chloe picked the perfect, pre-packaged snack for any valentine. :-)

And so I got on the computer and put together some fun labels and we spent the evening before Valentine's Day happily putting these stress-free, sugar (refined) free treats for her friends. She was thrilled.

 Anxiously, during the party, I watched the kids emptying out their bags and listened for their responses upon countering the cutie. This is what I heard:
"ORANGES?! Look, I got an orange!"
"Chloe, thanks for the orange!"
"What does this say? Cutie- PATOOOOOTIE?!? Guys, this says PATOOOOOOTIE!!!"
"Pa-TOOOOTie?!?! Ba ha ha, Chloe, your Valentine says PATOOOTIE!!"
More laughing went around the room about the word "patootie", and I watched timidly as Chloe heard all these responses, hoping it wouldn't get her hopes down. When I looked at her, though, she was giggling hysterically with the rest, exclaiming, "YEAH! My mom made those!".
Success. Guess all you have to do is put a potty word on the Valentine and they could care less if there is a lolipop on there or not.
I know Valentine's Day is over, but if you want to save this for next year, here is the layout I put together for the valentines. :-)

 So grateful for this fantastic friend of mine. Glad I get to keep her for good. :-)

Merry Christmas

It is Christmas Eve and I am just now sitting down to get a Merry Christmas post out to you all! It has been a fun and adventurous year for us all, and will only be more so in the year to come. I, like many others, meant to get a Christmas card, a physical one, out to friends and family and gosh darnit, this year I was going to do it. Well, time and chance happeneth to all and here I am digitally telling you all what a wonderful year we've had. Maybe next year you'll get a real one. So here's a quick peak into all of our lives!
Odell is two now and has clearly forgotten that she is a calm, placid child who wants for nothing but to stare at everything and giggle when prompted. She is now talking up a storm and has great joy in "MY-KA-SI-WAP!" (which translates roughly to, "Mother, may I please sit in your lap?"). This also has very little to do with actually sitting in my lap, but more to do with stepping, climbing, pulling, jumping, and dancing on my lap. Needless to say Mommy does not get very much accomplished during this time. We've also discovered that she has somehow absorbed from the universe how to identify the entire alphabet by sight and knows several shapes and colors. Funny how you try so hard with the first ones to teach them everything and then the little ones just learn it on their own sometimes. She loves to laugh, loves to point out everything, loves to dance, looks irresistible in pigtails, loves her older brother and sister and gives us hugs and kisses all day. Not potty trained yet, we're working on it. I'm trying to enjoy every minute of having a bubbly happy little girl around all day whilst trying not to spoil her completely.
Linus' personality continues to blossom in the most intricate and interesting ways and makes life entertaining to say the least. Everything has to be exact with him. Everything has to have an answer (which makes for a LOT of questions). But we love watching him develop and see the way he observes the world. His behavior has been getting better, to the relief of his parents and family, and we've learned a lot of coping mechanisms with him. For example, he lives for a routine and schedule. Not that he's constantly aware of what's happening next, necessarily, but when days stay pretty much the same, the tantrums are fewer. He loves to cuddle with Mom, loves puzzles and coloring (and I must say in my humble opinion, he colors really well. In the lines perfectly and picks the coolest colors, coloring in every empty spot possible- I'll have to save that for another post), loves writing words, loves making really loud random noises, loves making his sisters laugh, and generally just has a great time being a four year old little boy. He also can't wait to start school next year.
Chloe is growing like a weed. She's getting taller and more gangly by the minute. Her pride and joy is her long, beautiful, flowing locks of silvery blonde hair. Or, that is, her long, tangled mess of knots and frizz. I'm pretty sure she thinks that I'm purposefully torturing her for no good reason at all every time I tell her we need to brush her hair. Yet she won't let me cut it. I even consented to bribing her, but no go. Crazy girl. She LOVES Kindergarten, although it takes her until she gets to school to realize that most days, so sometimes our mornings go a little slow. :-) She loves all things art, and I am fully enjoying entering the stage of motherhood where I get to pick out cool art kits and crafts for her for birthdays and holidays. I vividly remember spending hours on my spyrograph, moon sand, and friendship bracelet kits as a kid, and am glad to have an excuse to do it again. She is doing swimmingly at school and it's fun to help and watch her learn to read. We've also moved into the wonderful world of chapter books and I am SO excited. As you can tell, I sort of live vicariously through Chloe. She is a lot like me and I couldn't be more thrilled. :-) I'm sure someday along the line this may cause a problem between us, but that's okay. Except, one thing, she does have a very different taste in colors and style than me, that may be because she is six, but we went to the craft store to pick out some fabric together for her closet door replacement curtains and I finally had to bribe her to pick something that didn't have real pictures of kittens on it or an assortment of Easter Hosanna phrases ("Alleluia! Praise the Lord! He is Risen!"). We'll see if she grows out of it someday. :-)
Craig and I are keeping more than busy, between school, work, photography, seminary, Young Men's President, in home daycare, cooking and cleaning (between the both of us), spending time with the kids, and trying to snatch a kiss here and there, we are booked. Craig is starting his internship and final semester of school in recreation management and will be looking for a job here before too long. We are SOOOOO excited to be done, and a bit apprehensive about what the future will bring...but mostly just SOOOOO excited to be done. We had that major stomach bug go through our house for THREE WEEKS right after Thanksgiving, but by a miracle, I got it earlier on and was able to take care of the rest of the family without fear of getting it myself while we focused on NOT getting Craig sick so he could make it to all his finals and get all his projects done for the semester. And thankfully he didn't and pulled off another 4.0 this semester (I gotta brag because heaven knows he won't!). Craig and I were also able to take a trip to his uncle's house in Virginia for a week before Christmas just the two of us (Craig's uncle is a dentist and he helped with fixing Craig's broken tooth, which also included a root canal and three fillings). We enjoyed our time visiting some of the historic sites near Richmond and also watching movies, playing video games, eating lots of food, staying up late and sleeping in, and doing everything we don't get to do with the kids. Not that we don't love them, but it was nice to relax for a week.
Here's to a wonderfully exciting year in 2013! We look forward to all the changes, and hope we are settled enough to get a real card out next year. Love you all!