It is a warm, breezy night as I sit here and think about my
son. My little boy. My terror. My joy. My most up and down of my days.
Oh little Linus Cooper. What a bundle he is. I don't have teenagers yet, so I'm not sure I'm qualified to say I know what "Parenting 501" looks like, but he's gotta rank me up there in the upper level courses. Every day is sort of a manic roller coaster with him, ranging from exclaiming how pretty I am after I shower and get dressed in the morning to yelling at me like I killed his best friend or dog or something when he wants to ask me for a cup of water. BUT, he does have the best little giggle in the whole wide world. I love to hear him belly laugh and love watching the way his mouth curves around his little four year old teeth when he busts a gut. I swoon a little bit.
Linus enjoys routines. I've been puzzled the last week or so as to why Linus all of a sudden has been falling apart over more things than normal and I think it is because once summer started any semblance of routine has sort of flown out the window. But he keeps us on schedule as best as he can, starting off the mornings bright and early with a request to use the restroom, even though we tell him every morning that he no longer needs to ask or inform us when he has to go potty. He does anyway, every time. And often informs us as to what exactly he's going to perform in there before he goes in. Sometimes publicly and quite loudly. He often remembers things upon waking that no four year old should remember, so if he's not requesting to use the bathroom upon waking up, he's reminding us of something. Craig will roll over first thing in the morning sometimes in bed and gasp loudly as he suddenly realizes Linus is standing right by his face.
"DAD" he whispers loudly. " 'member you said that I could have a popsicle after dinner wast night?" Craig scratches his head and rubs his eyes and replies, "Linus, that was two weeks ago, we can get you a popsicle after dinner another night," which will either be followed with a persistent insistence that he needs a popsicle right now to make up for the fact that he forgot two weeks ago or he quietly submits and climbs back into bed, and there really isn't a particular rhyme or reason to when he will comply or not. Flip of the coin really.
His mind is always running a hundred miles an hour. Our days are filled to the brim with questions and comments and reminders and anything that comes off the top of his head. He loves to know what time it is. If there is a future event coming up that he is excited about, we hear about it all the time until we go (let it slip that we are going camping earlier than we meant to, and he has not quit talking about it since). I think he doesn't think that we listen to him (and I suppose after all he says all day long, it's hard to remain excited about everything he says), and often he'll as a question about something like, "Mom, what is this?" "That's a can opener, Linus." "No, Mom, what is this?" I look back at the object he's pulled out of the drawer. "A can opener, Linus, it's can opener." "NO, Mom, THIS!!!!" and then I have to physically walk over to him and grasp the can opener in my hands, look him in the face and say, "This is a can opener, it opens cans for us, Linus, this in my very hand is a can opener..." before he acknowledges that I've said anything at all.
He loves to be outside all the time. He loves playing at the park and running around the backyard with water balloons. He does not like getting his ears wet. Ever. Bath time is all fun and games until we have to wash his hair and then everything sort of explodes and I usually end up soaked at some point. He loves to pick dandelions for me and tell me that I'm pretty. He loves catching bugs and looking them over like he's the first person to ever discover it. He loves helping Mommy when I ask him to do special jobs for me like bringing Grandma a can of olives next door or cleaning up a particular area of the house. He makes his bead every morning and loves to run downstairs and bring me up to show me his clean room and made bed (he does a really good job of this- I see so much of his Dad in him sometimes it's scary!) He loves to watch me bake, cook, clean, work, whatever. If I can get him to keep his hands out of whatever I'm making, some of my most cherished conversations with him are while I'm putting something together in the kitchen and he just sits and watches and asks questions and talks to me. He loves to dance and only likes to listen to "cool songs", so I have to change songs in the car/ at home until I find one he likes. He and Chloe both almost know all the words to "Tonight" by Fun. (as if you don't hear that song enough already) and enjoy belting it out together around the house. And he has a really good ear and picks up a lot of the primary songs we go over at church, even the ones that we have barely started learning. He sweats like no other kid I've ever met. It's kind of comical to look at his pillow when he gets up from his nap or to use the bathroom at night. Just have to wash his sheets a little more often than the other two. He is ambidextrous. I watch him color and draw all the time and I really have no idea which hand he prefers. Not sure if I should be encouraging this or not, but Craig sure seems excited about it. I suppose the prospect of an ambidextrous athlete for a son is exciting and he highly promotes it when they play together. He likes oatmeal, carrots and cucumbers, cookies, cheese, grapes, cherries (he is very proud that this year he can spit the seeds out himself), apples, oranges, tomatoes, crackers, raisins, frozen peas (all my kids love these, great summer time afternoon snack!) and popsicles, among many other family meals. Hates potatoes.
I'm both nervous and also looking forward to starting preschool with him this year. Mostly just glad for the one on one time I'll get to spend with him and see how focused he can be when we work together. Here's hoping for the best.
I completely understand that he draws attention to himself dramatically when he gets upset, especially in public situations. I laugh it off and we work through it together, but it dawned on me while I was working last year that I may be the only person who loves him like I do in this world. There is nothing like the friendship and understanding that exists between a mother and her little boy when they are young. They change so much when they get older and this is really the only time that I have with him when I am really his best friend (although he insists that it's his cousin John, whom he adores even though he only sees him once or twice a year). It made me really sad at the time to think that I could be the only person who really tries to understand him like I do, but then I realized how privileged I am to be the one who gets to help him through this life. I get to be the one that he loves more than anyone else on this earth too, and it totally changed my perspective of our relationship. I am so....SO SO SO SO SO grateful that I can be at home with him. As difficult as it is with him some days, I would not trust this job to anyone else.
I love you, Linus, from the very center of my heart, you warm me over with that smile and that laugh and your never ending bright and inquisitive mind. Not to mention your kindness, however hard you try to bury it sometimes. Never give it up.